It’s been six weeks now, day after day it piles on!! At first it was the bureaucracy of the federal and state licensing process. Then it was my partners that filled my head with trouble. The stuff that was happening to me was not life threatening – I lived with a kind woman – my oldest daughter and grandson came by often, and my youngest children and my X only lived 3 blocks away. So socially I was comforted.
So what was making me shutter, nonetheless. I’ll admit it, I’m a Alpha dog kind-of-guy. I tend to view my act as hot stuff. So when I’m shook – it is a shaking!
Therefore, the question for me on this stormy day six weeks into my torment – how do I maintain some sense of happiness and what techniques of Flow bring about what I need – resilience? How is resilience shown through flow to demonstrate happiness? In this case, happiness is shown in an ability to cheat chaos. We all know what that means, when stuff goes so terribly “wrong” – if the trauma is severe enough, a person with dependencies loses the capacity to concentrate on necessary goals. If that impairment is very severe, consciousness flutters randomly, and the person “loses his mind” and sobriety -then the various symptoms of mental disease take over.
Dissipate (somehow to take advantage of the energy that would otherwise be lost), in my case fears of destitution – a “stormy day”, into one of two different actions: neurotic defense or mature defense.
You know the neurotic defense means hunkering down into the blame game -someone or something did this terrible thing to you – denial of what has happened, and avoidance.
The mature defense after a period is buoyed by your hipness – feeling the hit but not the moral conviction – redefine – analyzing the problem logically and collaboration/facilitation.
Why this second tactic is so much more productive is because it engages the external support systems available
- – friends
- – family and
- – community
- – social networks
- – personal psychological resources
- – intelligence,
- – education,
- – relevant personality factors and
- – coping strategies
If you see yourself more in the defensive mode, don’t worry – be happy
As said by a stoic philosopher, “The good things which belong to prosperity are to be wished, but the good things that that belong to adversity are to be admired”. Let’s develop your admiration skills.