What is most difficult is I dare to take all things as my will and exult in my strength and deny myself the calmness of Thy Grace. There are great changes that come about in the darkest hours where there is, despite my claims, no memory of hope and the encircling gloom is terrifying to the heart. It is this difficulty where the tussle takes me. Calmness in the midst of chaos, serenity in the midst of feverish activity is on one side. On the other is my ego that takes pride in climbing high mountains to tempt the tempter, feeds on the acorns and grass of knowledge and for the sake of community, suffering a hunger in my soul with a glint of haughtiness. There must be a secret that all commanders know, the secret revealed in crisis, that the soul that is calm with controlled emotion is performing an act of faith – the battle continues.
To encounter these forces one must remember our way back into the very center of our being, to that eternal fountain of replenishment. For it is only there that our addictions can be comforted. Otherwise we block, frustrate, and delay, giving over to a frantic spirit and a mind gutted with panic – our will can not feed our heart.
It is a hard lesson; perhaps it should be an easy one.
Consider: you have a vision, however vague, of your own sense of godhood. You are bewildered, tired, impatient – willing to be more and go faster. You are limited to only glimpses far between as you conceive time. But what is a week, a month, yea, even a year? In the deep, inner quietness of your spirit, time stands still—before and after are lost in NOW, there is no movement, no action, even the outer edges of awareness blend into the surrounding calm.
It is this calmness that now you must carry with you into the maelstrom of your hectic days and hungers. Let it be remembered that Grace is your nourishing companion. It is your innocence and forgetting, a new beginning, a sacred YES.