I come to this question after years of experience being loved – feeling all the warmth, desire and longing that are found widely in sonnets, plays, songs and the like. They take us through a door at its heights of ecstasy and lust to the depths of a cave of despair and longing for it to return. I’m not focusing on either of these scenes.
My gaze turns away from the poetic towards the daily compromises – the contested tolerances – the comings and goings that take one off their normal path. If you’ve followed me for anytime – you know I’m an urban guy – a city walker. In the midst of finding the “gift” of my life I was confronted with the absurd – to feel the absurd is when something interrupts our daily routine, when our comfortable, automatic, habitual ways of life suddenly fall apart and you are forced to ask the deepest possible why – Is this another name for “Love”?
It was Albert Camus who said, “If human life is absurd, empty, meaningless, leading only to death, can anything of value be rescued from it? In the myth of Sisyphus he follows this inquiry by posing the following question – If we are thrown into a completely desolate and forlorn existence, why do anything? Why not kill ourselves now instead of waiting for the final absurdity of death to take us? Knee bendingly deep!
Here I was – pushing a cart in Costco’s behind a blonde issuing direction of what else to pick up and which isle to meet her on then suddenly a voice from my body – but not mine – spoke up – “yes dear”. After hearing the voice – the world stopped moving, “I laughed” – then did as I was directed. A new country was heard from. So here’s where I am going – what will that “other” voice have me do? Reframing Camus’ question “has the other voice found a source of value worth my “life”?” Does Love persist?
It’s not a compete life that would be lost. Remember it’s the small daily tolerances that are embed in all our most important realities. The fragments stuffed in our bodies come to us not from some unique source of sovereignty from which secondary and descendent forms would emanate; it is in reality the moving substrate of force relations which, by virtue of their inequality, constantly engender states of power, with demands, but the later are always local and unstable. The background voice stands forward – do my bidding!
Who was that would have to step back – so this new voice could hold sway. I have to be honest – I’ve encountered this question before – not exactly. Really twice: once when lamenting the loss of my mother and the second after several business reverses. At those times my contact with the absurd was in search of reasons to claim my right for death. This is the direct opposite – life. A new one!
Their combined affect was to slant me slightly melancholy (sad – not moribund). Yes, life was still sweet, after a fashion. At best a tweener. What breaks sadness – joy! That’s it – joy. Does this new voice have the power of joy energizing this bold takeover – daring me to live – live big? We have since taken steps, risky moves that dare to form a more perfect union – it’s on. More to follow…